Parenting in the Debugger

For Engineering Dads Who Want to Break the Cycle

You're successful at work. You debug complex systems daily. But when it comes to parenting, you keep hitting the same errors your own parents did.

You Know Something's Wrong When:

Your dad's words come out of your mouth — and you hate hearing them
Small things trigger big reactions — you yell over spilled milk, then feel terrible
You're physically present but emotionally absent — scrolling your phone while your kid tries to show you something
You don't know how to handle emotions — theirs or yours
You're repeating patterns you swore you'd never repeat — despite your best intentions
You feel like you're failing as a father — even though you love your kids more than anything

The Parenting Debugging Metaphor

Just like you inherited code from previous developers, you inherited emotional patterns from your parents. Most of this code runs in the background — unconscious, automatic, triggered by specific inputs (your kid refusing to put on shoes, talking back, whining).

The problem? You can't refactor what you can't see. And your kids are learning from your runtime behavior, not your stated values!

What Changes After Working Together

You'll understand why certain moments trigger you — and trace those reactions back to their source code
You'll stay calm when your kid is melting down — because you'll have new tools, not just willpower
You'll break generational patterns — instead of passing them down with a different polarity
You'll show up as the dad you want to be — not the one you default to under stress
You'll build genuine connection — the kind you wish you'd had with your own father

How It Works: Pair Programming Your Parenting

Stack Trace Your Patterns
We identify the specific moments when you lose it — bedtime battles, defiance, whining — and trace them back to your own childhood experiences.

Debug the Root Cause
Most reactive parenting is an attempt to solve a problem you experienced as a kid. We'll find out what's really happening in assembly code.

Refactor Your Responses
You can't just delete old code — first, we need to set breakpoints and then you need to write new functions. We'll build responses that align with the father you want to be.

Test in Production
Real scenarios from your week become our testing ground. We iterate, adjust, and refine until the new patterns stick.

Async Support
Between sessions, you have access to me via email/Slack for quick troubleshooting and support.

6-Week Intensive

$1,520

Six 60-minute 1:1 sessions + async support

Individual sessions available at $280 each

Book Your Free 20-Min Consultation

No pressure. We'll talk about what you're struggling with and whether this is a good fit.

What Parents Say

"This was different. I could actually feel myself responding differently to my son's tantrums. The debugging framework makes it click in a way nothing else had."

— Early client testimonial

🚀 Early Adopter Opportunity

I'm building this practice and looking for 3 committed dads to work with at a reduced rate ($1,200 for 6 sessions) in exchange for detailed feedback and a testimonial. If you're ready to do the work, let's talk.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I need to be a software engineer for this to work?

No. The debugging metaphor helps engineers connect to the work faster, but the actual coaching works for any dad willing to look honestly at his patterns. If you're analytical and like to understand systems, you'll probably find this approach helpful.

Is this therapy?

No, I'm not a licensed therapist. This is coaching focused specifically on parenting patterns and father-child relationships. If you have clinical mental health needs, I'll refer you to a therapist. Many clients do both simultaneously.

How is this different from parenting books?

Books give you strategies. This gives you awareness of why those strategies don't stick. Most parenting advice fails because it doesn't address the unconscious patterns driving your reactions. We go to the source code, not just the UI.

What if my partner thinks this is unnecessary?

One parent changing creates ripple effects through the whole family system. That said, if both parents are willing to work on this (separately or together), the results are typically faster and deeper.

Can I sign my husband up for this?

Absolutely! In fact, I recommend it.

How quickly will I see results?

Most dads report noticing shifts in their awareness after the first session, and behavioral changes by week 3-4. This isn't a quick fix — it's rewiring decades of conditioning. But the changes compound over time.

What if I had a good childhood?

You don't need childhood trauma to benefit from this work. Even "good enough" parenting leaves gaps, and modern fatherhood requires skills our dads never taught us. This is about becoming conscious and intentional, regardless of your starting point.

About Me

I'm a software architect with 20+ years in tech, and a father who spent too long unconsciously running legacy code before I realized what I was doing. I still learn new things every day.

Like many engineers, I approached parenting as a system I could optimize. Read all the books. Implemented the frameworks. But I kept hitting the same runtime errors — the yelling, the impatience, the emotional shutdown.

It wasn't until I traced my reactions back to their source — the patterns I inherited from my own upbringing — that things started to change. Not just surface-level behavior modification, but deep rewiring of how I show up.

Now I help other dads do the same work. The debugging metaphor isn't just cute marketing — it's genuinely how I think about this process. We're reverse-engineering unconscious patterns, identifying dependencies, and refactoring your approach to fatherhood.

This is probably the hardest debugging you'll ever do. It's also the most important.

Your Kids Inherit Your Code